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  • Writer's pictureBryan Jun

my Pet Peeves

I'd argue that the people know me best wouldn't describe me as the most easy-going person - perhaps this is for anyone that knows anyone well, given that they will (by definition) know the ins and outs of an individual and therefore know how complex they are and what makes them tick. But if there was a way to quantify someone's "difficulty" or a definitive measure of how loose they are, I'd probably fall on the difficult or "anal" side.

In utmost self-centered fashion, here's a list of things that bothers me more than anything for all of you to decide whether or not I'm a psychopath or you actually can relate. I think this is a great exercise for anyone to go through to reflect on how the smallest things may bother them greatly and the growth that can come from letting go of these things (which I'll probably be unable to do as I'm still thriving in my immaturity, but we'll see).

  1. When someone argues aggressively against me about a point, finds out they are wrong and does not outwardly admit they're wrong in the same level of intensity they were arguing - I think this genuinely might be the number one thing that bothers me the most. As an opinionated and argumentative individual, I tend to get into a lot of heated debates. One thing I feel like I'm surprising good at is openly admitting I am wrong when I'm proven so. I really don't understand when people don't reciprocate this and take a "anyone could be wrong" approach the moment they find out they're wrong after fighting so profusely. If I were to go full crazy and have it exactly the way I wanted it, I'd prefer almost an apology the moment they realize they were wrong.

  2. People that don't communicate actively planning an event / hang-out, especially leading up to the planned date and time. We're all busy and furthermore, we live in the age of instant communication. This is definitely residue from investment banking PTSD but it takes less than minimal effort to let someone know that they are on track to making the occasion or slightly late due to traffic. It's not difficult to let people know that you won't be in attendance or you want to do something else instead. You're lack of communication holds back everyone involved in the meeting and that obligation should be a responsibility not a burden.

  3. Conveying what you want in a beat around the bush passive manner. Whenever someone is asked for what they want and the sentence begins with "I'd prefer to do ___ but happy to consider other options" I inherently believe that they're not happy to consider other options. Another way to say this is people who typically talk like this are actually the most set in their ways but they're so used to being people pleasers that they physically can't get themselves to strongly state their preference and use this backdoor way of saying what they want. I'll admit it's a smart way of handling life as you're throwing the ball in the other person's court to filter what you're saying, understand what you actually want without coming across as "bossy." I'd prefer you to state your opinion, but happy to consider other options.

  4. Not venmo-ing immediately after someone pays on their behalf. I don't get how this is not a given in 2021 - you paying right now vs. later does not make a difference unless you (1) literally don't have money in your checking account or venmo account right now (which personally I think this should lead you to not spend to begin with but I can understand it varies on circumstance) or (2) you're the world's greatest finance engineer and the time value of money of that instance allows you to make more money by not paying immediately. The follow-up to this one is people who round down their fair share of the payment - it literally could be cents on the dollar but I think this speaks volumes to your upbringing.

  5. Not putting the shopping cart back in the designated space. It takes 15 extra seconds and reduces unnecessary work for people working at the grocery store. It also could be part OCD for me (I've gone out of my way to put other people's carts back into the designated spot) but I think it's largely about the principle. My intuitive assumption is that the same people that leave carts around are the same people who pee in public bathrooms with the toilet seat down (for men) or don't pick up their trash after missing their "Kobe" shot throwing it and missing from five feet away.

  6. Continually talking about something that only a limited number of people involved in the conversation understand and having zero awareness of social cues in general. This one is one I actually admit that it's me being rather mean and that some people innately don't have the ability to recognize this. I'm working on being more forgiving on this point in general, but it's always bewildering to recognize that many people you encounter in social settings (even as an adult and perhaps even more so as an adult) have zero awareness when it comes to conversation dynamics. They can't read the room, don't understand what people want to talk about, constantly cut other people off, fail to involve those that are openly wanting to join but can't because of the topic's barrier to entry, constantly bring up the same exact joke or reference when no one's laughing - the list can go on. Once again, I'm really trying my best to let this one go because I'm slowly realizing more of the world is like this than not and being socially "talented" might be a lower bar than I previously thought, but I also think it falls on people like this to recognize this and learn.

In further recognition, I think it's fascinating that most people (very much an assumption) would probably agree with these annoyances but these are things that are hard to call out (maybe outside of the shopping carts) because it makes you into an ass if you do. But what does it say about your companions if they fail to acknowledge your shortcomings and let you know of them so that you can be a better person to be around?

Note that I probably have my hands more than full of behavior that I exhibit that top other people's list of pet peeves. Being overly argumentative, probably needing to be passive at times (in relation to my point 3 above) and shying away from "jokingly" condescending comments even in casual settings are some that come to mind and ones that I've been actively called out for. For my close friends reading, I'm not blind to these things and will try my best to implement as I grow old and weary.

Lastly, it's also interesting (but not surprising) that a number of folks that best represent the pet peeves listed above came to my mind as I was writing this post. Some actually exhibit every one of the six points and others that I did not write down. I'm not sure if this means it's time for me to address these with them or if I've just made poor friends (or I'm just the poor friend who needs to let things go) but I actively encourage everyone to think about what bothers them and what their definition of a good friend is and whether or not they've kept people around them that would be deemed a low quality friend just for old time's convenience.

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