I initially intended on deleting this blog and I unavoidably got lazy with it as I started my gig with Hyperspace and moved to NYC to enjoy the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple. Evidently, I failed to cancel my premium Wix subscription in time, so in an effort to rationalize my $200+ a year spending on what could've been a twitter account, the daily blog is back.
Granted, as my 3 followers have witness over the course of the past year, it may be back for just the week or possibly just today. Regardless, I have been needing a place to rest my thoughts recently and as a non-believer of coincidence, it seems to be a net benefit for the time being.
I think my approach this time through (crazy it's already been a year since I pulled trig on bryanjun.com on the shores of the Outer Banks) is to have it even less structured and provide a glimpse into my stream of consciousness, while practicing my writing and coping with my daily stresses.
Outside of the usual concerns over my career path, world view, the never ending desire to prove myself, keeping up with a long list of random routines (now including writing 10 things I'm grateful for every single day, no longer drinking alcohol (yes you read that right), I feel more stressed than ever, almost to the extent that I miss investment banking (seriously). One thing I've been hitting a lot recently is that choice is not necessarily a positive, in fact in most cases it serves as a negative. If someone told me I had to live in x city with y job attending z church married to girl abc, in some dark ways I feel like my life would've been happier. As a man of capitalism that also believes in pre-destination, perhaps nothing is more fitting of the rather dystopian declaration I just made. In summary, lack of clarity and direction is a difficult path to be on and while I'm certain that the path of least resistance provides no growth, I'm not very certain of what growth I'll attain from the path I'm currently grinding against.
The primary concern derives from what's always deemed as a first world problem - the reality that we tend to focus on whatever is the most pressing denominator, regardless of where it stands on the "objective" scale of struggle and pain. I will proudly and arrogantly state that there isn't anything "objectively" wrong with my current life, with most if not all of my concerns relying on a potential wrong-going of the future (immediate or far distant), and shying away from being grateful of what stands in front of me. This is why I started my daily exercise of listing out 10 things I'm grateful for, which clearly has not worked any magic yet. Top of that list today, for example, was "a safe return from Lexington, VA." My Youtube audience has noted that my videos lately have been aggressively negative, and although I have fended this position off by saying negativity is more engaging and view-grabbing than its counterpart, I can't help but note that my daily perspective on life is certainly bleeding into my virtual identity. To the few that may actually be concerned about my mental or physical health, I will highlight that truly nothing is wrong - I'm in great physical & financial shape, with not enough time to tend to all the friends and events that invite me out, accompanied by a long list of big and small trips and events planned for the next year, a healthy and supportive family, loving and nearby church, etc. It's these set of conditions that enable me to continuously wrestle with points of "concern" that wouldn't have the attention that it currently receives if I had actual problems.
I do think my most tangible concern is where my career is headed, as working for a NFT company is not the most set or structure path in life. But even there, nothing is objectively wrong as the company is doing well, I've never had a smarter, nicer, caring group of co-workers that I actually like (I'm not writing this at work trust), and I'm part of (whether you believe it's a scam or not) what is the hottest and coolest industry at the moment.