28 raw thoughts on my 28th birthday

28 raw thoughts on my 28th birthday

I’ve been doing this birthday series every year for five years now and until last year, the underlying intent was “advice” or things I’ve learned in the past year since the previous birthday.

This year, instead of coming from a place of recommendations or lessons, I thought I’d use this opportunity to be brutally honest about things. Trigger warning or whatever; keep in mind that I’m now a 28-year-old Korean American male of the Christian faith, living in New York City, who has lived a rather privileged life, leading to a gross juxtaposition of overthinking and over-confidence. Maybe knowing my background leads you to disagree with what I’m about to say even more, which probably says more about you than it does about me.

Do note, that in this effort to be blunt, I’m not going to be adding unnecessary notes like “of course this is a generalization,” or “there’s definitely exceptions.” If we’re going to ignore generally experienced truths because there’s a minor subsection of individuals who feel otherwise, we should never have any conversation that theorizes anything. If I’m being frank, I think even that subsection is gaslighting themselves to believe otherwise or comfort oneself, but I can never read their mind so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

As you read through, if any of these points offend you to the point needing affirmation, require further explanation, or feel an irresistible need to argue against me, I happily welcome DMs for further conversation. After all, we all rarely change our mind, but all have opinions we want heard.

One final note: as a Christian, I firmly believe truth exists, there’s a way we’re supposed to live life in God, but in a tainted world enwrapped by sin, things are bad. Hence many of these thoughts are going to be negative, because it’s only natural the world growingly becomes worse. It’s exactly why Jesus Christ is the only thing to ultimately hold onto, because nothing else will bring you peace.

Put on your seatbelts:

1.  If you delay marriage, you will become growingly insecure



No matter how progressive you think society is becoming or how individualistic human beings are turning out to be, we can’t deny that the pairing of a man and woman is natural and necessary for the next stage of fulfillment. I’ll take a step further here and say most people around me, especially women over the age of late 20s and men over early 30s, continuously exhibit insecurity stemming from their lack of a committed significant other. Whether exemplifying that is an obsession with their career, inability to talk about anything else other than marriage, hating the opposite gender, and/or continuously creating opposite gender friendships that satisfy their temporary dating desires (I call this the “porn” theory), once you notice this about people, it’s very hard to ignore it.

2. Looks matter a lot and it’ll continue to matter even more



This one’s almost counter-intuitive because as a society we want to believe the world’s “getting better” and we’ve made every human effort to build more of a meritocracy. Our Disney Channel-built minds want to believe that the goodness of the heart ultimately prevails, the hardest worker gets the promotion, and you can convince anyone to love anyone, but reality is most decisions (more than ever) are made on intuition. And there’s no better way for us, who’ve lost the ability to socialize deeply, to be intuitive than judge based on one’s outside self. In the past two decades, we’ve hyper-accelerated, as an entire species, an economy propelled by looks and looks alone. I don’t only mean being attractive (this matters most), but what we’ve labeled as the attention economy builds entirely on capturing limited focus through rapid judgement. Whether it’s OnlyFans models making more than entire companies, KPOP groups with no skill but the right aesthetics, and all the church men and women who say they’re seeking a significant other with a heart for God but cross off entire lists clearly based on height and age, we’re going to continuously extend our dependence on judging a book by its cover in a time where no one has the persistence to read the book or resist applying their own world views onto the text. One could argue, we’ve actually become more meritocratic as there’s straightforward ways to work on your looks.


3. Boomers and millennials are miserable



I’m at the oldest end of Gen Z, but putting myself in our parents’ and grandparents’ generation shoes, I can’t imagine how depressing it must be looking at what the world is becoming. They’ve lived their entire life hearing from their parents that hard work pays off, endurance is key, that “internet fame is a one-time thing,” sacrificing for the next generation is an honorable thing, all to see every one of those things prove to be false. For an entire generation, especially the disappearing middle class, who’ve worked hard to keep these principles intact, reality is seeing kids 1/4th of their age earn entire life savings in one Twitch stream and using their hourly wages on a Starbucks pink drink while complaining about a “livable wage.” There’s no doubt the destruction of lifelong beliefs is demoralizing. It certainly doesn’t help for the same people who’ve told their kids to “get off their phone” are now doom scrolling Instagram reels themselves - if you don’t believe this or see your own parents do this, I’d just take a quick swipe down your feed and click on the profiles of the people that comment and note what age you think the profile pictures look like. The saddest lives aren’t those that never learned happiness, it’s those that tasted happiness and now no longer do.

4. Unless you’re an influencer trying to engagement farm, if you comment or reply on social media you’re probably socially weird



I say this as someone with social media as a side gig and just to establish some form of authority, I’ve collectively accrued millions of views and thousands of comments across YouTube, Instagram, TikTok X, and even LinkedIn, and can confidently say if you actively comment or reply on content (not your friends’ but off the feed), you’re probably an odd person. And this group is growing. I’ve personally never commented on content that’s not my own (in response to my followers). I don’t have anyone around me who comment their opinion on a random influencers’ post or engage with the intent to start an argument. If you think about the psychology of such people, whatever they’re watching enraged them or provoked them so much, to the point where they felt a need to comment to state their feelings or opinions. People that have a platform outside of the comments section, for example family and friends or their job, don’t need such an outlet. If you feel upset about this one for whatever reason, the next time you see a remotely controversial social media post, randomly click on any of the replies and look at their profile. I can assure you they’re either anonymous or their feed and profile picture is what you’d expect someone that replies to such things to look like. I have a perspective here that not many have, as someone who’ve interacted heavily with those that the “normal world” mocks as “crypto bros” and “Korea boos.” In case it’s the first time you’re hearing those terms; the former are people with cartoon profile pictures on X talking about cryptocurrencies and NFTs and the latter are people also on X (and TikTok) who obsess over KPOP and other Korean things. Both niche groups are filled with individuals who often lack in-real-life social lives or rely on the internet to find others similar to them. The danger here is that because they’re behind a screen, they exhibit behavior they wouldn’t be able to in real life, becoming growingly egotistic because of their community stroking their egos through likes and retweets, and then become this weird contraption that now believes they have social ability, but in reality, only in that bubble.

5. All interactions between men and women are gendered

I don’t mean that there’s romantic or sexual intent in every interaction – I simply mean that if you changed the genders for the same interaction, the interaction would not have been the same. The earlier you understand and accept this, the easier and fun life becomes. Women like being complimented, men enjoy feeling needed. Women want attention, men want power (or at least, feeling like they are powerful). Women want be led, men want to be nurtured. You can deny all these things as long as you want, claim sexism, etc., but the truth won’t change. In fact, I’d argue those that deny these things have simply never benefited from their gender or don’t know how to take advantage of the perks or characteristics that come with their gender, naturally. Society will continuously try to break these things down and push the “we’re equal therefore we must be the same” narrative, because those that never exemplified these qualities feel bitter at their lack of participation in this natural and fun experience, and need to rationalize being excluded.

6. I’m going to take a middle of the list “break” here and just list off a bunch of things with no expansion or explanation. Perhaps this is the list I actually wanted to write.

All human actions, on a secular level, build upon their need to find a mate. Smarter people are nicer.

COVID was created by China and COVID-vaccines (not all vaccines) will have unforeseen consequences. College matters even more now, not because of what you learn but who you meet. Drugs are bad and anyone who says otherwise just use it themselves and need to rationalize it. Success is growingly based on luck and volume, as opposed to strategy and longevity. Many join church ministries or volunteer work to find a partner and then quit when they do.

Only soft skills ultimately matter.    Most people now no longer have patience for old ways, including socialization, careers, various analysis, etc., which will lead to the destruction of existing infrastructure. Kids have better intuition than adults which is why with the internet as an enhancer and lowered barrier to entry, success is getting younger.   Homosexuality is a sin, LGBTQ is a cult, but all sin is equal; the issue is that people brag and embrace this sin as their identity.

Many of your favorite KPOP Idols think their fanbase is a joke and a means to get rich.

Companies often have elementary-school level drama that leads to their demise. A lot of Christians gaslight themselves into having purpose through church, not with God at the center of their heart but because they have nothing going for them in real life. If you’re not religious and have morals, you can’t explain why without being illogical.

We depend on faith, even if we’re not religious, more than logic every single day.

Most of crypto is a scam. Being born rich and voting left is a sad excuse to act ethical while screwing over poor people. TikTok intentionally pushes out divisive content, brain rot, and is 100% a tool of the CCP.  

7. It’s pretty easy to tell how loved you were by your family This one I’ll admit is pretty sad and is one of the biggest privileges I’ve grown up with so even within the context of this post I’m careful in discussing it. But I’d say nine times out of ten, when I run into people that clearly have some deep insecurity, trust issue, or an odd obsession, it stems from a lack family love. I’m no psychologist so I won’t spend time classifying what type of issue leads to what, but some of the most obvious comes from either parent missing during their upbringing, not being the favorite child, their own gender parent (i.e. if you’re a dude, your dad) not properly exhibiting love to their spouse, etc. The basis of this, as with all things, could find its roots in a lack of faith (which I marvel at families that last without it). I think the call to action is to end this cycle with your new family, to make sure that these pain points don’t reach your child and it doesn’t become an heirloom.

8. Being stupid / ignorant is such a happier path to life Friends around me who are ignorant or openly are lower-IQ definitely seem to enjoy life more. And this growingly is true as you become an adult and your brain becomes even less malleable to change. When you’re stupid, your lack of awareness allows you to ignore surroundings, other people’s perspectives, look over societal standards and in the best way possible, focus solely on your own priorities. I’ve met many who I consider quite smart, be jealous of those that aren’t. A quick litmus test for this is when you plan hangouts or trips and you look at the contribution of the members involved. Typically, those who aren’t helpful, lack time consciousness, don’t allow for others’ lives to be made easier, push forward their own desires in trade of costing the rest of the group emotional damage, belong in this category. But I assure you as much as the others are suffering and stressing out, these individuals are having the greatest time of their life and will continue to as long as the smarter half excuse their behavior.

9. Pastors are human too and most of them aren’t that great This actually isn’t an attack and more of a reflection of a wrong component of my faith that I’ve resolved in the past year and have helped me love the church more. I am (or at least was) of the belief that pastors should be held to a certain standard and when they fail to meet such standards, I wrongly translated that into hating the church or even having trouble with my own faith. But as soon as you let these impossible standards go and recognize pastors are simply those called by God to minister, but ultimately human being themselves, you can grow to love them. Of course, there’s clear black and white guidelines on things they need to be rebuked for, but as long as they’re not breaking the law, preaching false Gospel, or actively leading people away from God, it’s not up to us to judge them. In fact, many pastors have only known the “pastor path” their whole life, and often lack proper social understanding, organizational behavior, real life commitments, and other “normal expectations” we have for others. I find it similar to expecting lifelong academics or software engineers to be not socially awkward and getting frustrated at their inability to talk to women. We just happen to classify them under this “holy light” but that is also our own standards and not God’s, so pastors expecting unrealistic levels of commitment to the church or making unreasonable decisions based on their prayers is something we need to learn to support as those that believe in God’s authority to call them into ministry.

10. The world actively tries to tell you that you’re enough – that’s wrong and terrible advice Think back to Saturday morning television 90s kids, the unifying message across Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, ABC Family, etc. is that “you are enough,” “don’t let the world tell you anything else,” “you’re special.” This sounds great on paper, but it’s actually false. Our entire life is a long story of exactly why the opposite is true – we’re nothing and terrible people, by ourselves. In fact, the narrative that we’re more than enough and independently great ultimately causes us to be even more insecure, because in the moments where we’re clearly not enough (everyday), we can’t blame anything but ourselves if we’re supposed to be enough. When a baby poops his pants, no one around them, but especially the child, doesn’t think “I’m an independent human being capable enough to have gone to the bathroom by myself and wiped my butt, damn it how could I, someone of such worth, make this mistake!” The consensus in the room is that a baby is expected to poop his pants and the parents are there to understand and take care of it. Of course, the baby will grow and learn to flush the toilet, but by that point there will be other actions that shine light on their imperfection. Now imagine if the baby believe they should be capable of wiping their butt from day 1, the whole world continues to tell them they’re worthy enough to do so, but they just simply can’t. That baby is going to continue to poop their pants but for a different reason. The whole point is that we’re not enough and God is enough. We’re terrible people to begin with, will continue to make mistakes, but through the gospel and a process Christians call “sanctification,” try our best to walk with God in an attempt to be worthy. But we’ll continue to realize how unworthy we are and come to the same conclusion again and again that living a redeemed life is only through redemption by the only being that’s worthy, who’s somehow willing to shine us with his mercy. Even if you’re not Christian, you know with a brutal honest reflection of yourself that this is true. There’s a moral wrong that you’re more attuned to than others, let’s keep it light and say “lying” (but you know deep inside better than anyone what it is), that you continue to commit even if you tell yourself, you won’t do it the next time. And this isn’t a matter of having a Christian worldview or moral code, although that is the basis whether you like it or not. You endlessly want to drink the Disney Kool-Aid and embrace your self-worthiness, and yet strive to fill it with academic, professional, social accomplishments in a never-ending cycle of enhancing your self-worth. Why would you act on a desire to fill something if it’s filled already?

Final Thoughts: I promise I’m not as jaded as I sound, but I assure you late 20s will hit differently. Even if you disagree with everything above, the world is definitely getting worse, nothing seems to be for certain, “being an adult” is dead, and truly we can’t hold onto anything except Jesus Christ.

Perhaps the positive spin here is that we now live in a world where no worldly principles will guarantee results, so you might as well do whatever you want.

Or you can turn to Christ and see where the real truth takes you.

Just for fun, the first 28 people to read all the way here and DM me “hi Bryan I read until the end,” I’ll send you a $1.